5 Simple Steps To Discovering
If Your Tribe is Actually Your Tribe
Find your tribe and love them hard, we’ve all heard that saying, right?
What if you thought you had found your tribe and you’ve been loving them hard but you’re not feeling that same love in return?
Are you imagining it? Are you being too sensitive? Are your expectations too high?
My RESOUNDING answer to your questions is a big fat NO! You deserve to be loved back just as hard and with as much enthusiasm, respect, support and unconditional love as you put into your friends!
Here are my Top 5 Simple Steps to Discover if Your Tribe is Actually Your Tribe and My 1 Simple Solution if they’re not.
- Ask yourself “Have they had my back when I’m in crisis?” When the shit really hit the fan in your life, who was there helping you pick up the pieces? Who was calling you, dropping by, sending supportive texts to you to make sure you’re world wasn’t in complete ruins? And here’s the kicker: Who has stuck around since the crisis passed? Still talks to you about it to make sure you’re really moving forward in life and not stuck back there? That person, those people...they belong in your Tribe!
- Do your ‘best girls’ constantly bail on you and your plans together? Whether it’s a dinner out, girls wine night, workout or phone date; do they always have some lame excuse at the last minute why they can’t make it? Are they constantly saying ‘we should get together’ and then never follow through on their end of the plan making? This is not ‘Tribe Friendly’, unless of course, you don’t actually like seeing your friends and would rather make fictitious plans and pretend that you’ll actually get together one day...if this is you, then carry on with this type of Tribe-Mates (insert eye roll here!)
- When you made a Big change in your life, did they support you? Maybe it was health related, maybe it was divorce, traveling the world, starting a new business, the details aren’t important. Was it BIG? Scary BIG? OK, now did your Tribe-Mates support you without asking a bunch of judgmental questions? Did they send you inspiring texts or call you just to say “I’m proud of you”, did they come out and sit through your first public presentation even though they had no idea what your business was even about? If they did...keep loving these Tribe-Mates hard, they obviously love you hard back!
Do they show this support publicly as much as they do in private? Support from friends is HUGE, in private, implied or in public but those friends that will really support you in the spotlight as well as in private when nobody is watching are something special! If you’re in business, do they send you referrals and share your business on social media without prompting? Do they compliment you and recognize your accomplishments to others, online or in person in a group setting? These Tribe-Mates respect you in a huge way, and are proud to call you their friend and they aren’t afraid to make that known! If your Tribe doesn’t do this; it’s time to start asking why?
Your Tribe Should Be Willing to Take a Bullet For You and Aren’t Afraid to Tell the World How Much They Love, Respect and Support You!
Finally! #5: Is the love from your Tribe-Mates Unconditional?
Recognizing what ‘unconditional’ looks like is a great skill to have in life. So asking yourself these few questions should tell you if your Tribe-Mates are supporting you and loving you unconditionally or not. Am I being treated equal; do my Tribe-Mates treat me how I treat them? Are my Tribe-Mates trying to change my style, personality, habits or how I exist in the world or do they just accept me for me? Do they communicate to me how much they love and accept me?
That last question may not be the be all, end all to defining ‘unconditional’ however it’s importance shouldn’t be disregarded. Simply put, if we can’t communicate our love and support, we can’t receive it either and that’s a problem for any healthy relationship.
Are You Ready For My 1 Super Simple Solution if You’ve Now Discovered That Your Tribe Isn’t Tribe Worthy?
Solution: Walk Away.
Walk away with dignity, love in your heart and wishes of peace and success for your former Tribe-Mate; may they find the tribe that they fit with. We only get one shot at living the best life we can create so there is no time to hope that others will change for you. Go forth and find a new Tribe and take your new found tools with you so you can evaluate if they’re a good Tribe and if you’re an equally great Tribe-Mate!